Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
