while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
