Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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