I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
