I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
