i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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