Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
