I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
