I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
