boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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