how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
