New invention idea: vibrating tampons
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
