I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize