why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Panties = found
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
