id be glad to
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
