ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
