i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize