hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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