That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
