I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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