she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
