i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
