i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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