Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
