For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
