Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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