honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she smelled like a LAN party
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
