Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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