you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
