Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
