All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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