my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
