I accidentally burped into my bong.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
