Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
