he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
