he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
