just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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