i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
