the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
