Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
