Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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