Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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