started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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