We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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