I want to have your abortion
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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