If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
