Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
