Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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