Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
