Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
