i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
