Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
