i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
