You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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