Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
