after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
