Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
