Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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