I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
that is very illegal...i love you.
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