just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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