Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize