Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
