I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
