I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm always down for nudity.
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