You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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