It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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