Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
