A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
