Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize