i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
