My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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