I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
