Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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