Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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