bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
