I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize