fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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