You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
