I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
